Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Birch Aquarium

The morning before Mother's Day we're eating banana muffins prepared by Jethro and yours truly in our pajamas, and Jake's like, "How would you guys like to go to the aquarium today?" and I said, "Hells yeah!" And that was the last bad word I'll ever say in front of Jethro because I want to raise my children in the same profanity-free environment I was raised in. (Harharhar.) But seriously, I'm really trying, so don't anybody suggest an activity as awesome as the Birch Aquarium to me if my son is within earshot.

When I was a child I really wanted to be a marine biologist, which is so d*** funny to me now. I can scarce imagine a career I'd be worse at, as evidenced by me screaming in the tidepool exhibit when I reached in the water to touch a sea urchin and a single one of its tiny tentacles stuck to my fingertip. I blame "The Little Mermaid" and "Splash" entirely for my several-years-long obsession with making my future livelihood unduh duh sea.
A seahorse (they mate for life, did you know that?) and a startling disembodied human arm cleaning the sand.
Although I am pretty certain that if I someday become a kajillionaire I will have installed in my kick-a** mansion a blacklight jellyfish aquarium. You're all invited to the unveiling.
Jethro has in the last few months adopted his mother's tendency to gasp really dramatically when encountering anything he finds exciting. For him these things range from stop signs and fire hydrants to the following:
For me, this lionfish was gasp-worthy:
Because do you remember who else has a lionfish? That's right. Captain Jean-Luc Picard in his office.

Q and Picard's lionfish, Livingstone.
Then there was this fish-less exhibit all about how you're killing the environment pretty much just by being alive. As evidenced by Jake's expression we were sobered and disgusted with ourselves.
Jethro and I delivered a sobering newscast on wildfires or something.
And Jethro found this sobering learning device more exciting than seahorses. KNOBS AND BUTTONS!!! OMG!!!!
But I loved you, seahorses, with your good posture and your curly tails and your mating for life and your males-having-the-babies. I hope to visit you again. Almost certainly before Jethro's third birthday so that we don't have to spend $8.50 on a ticket for him. Yikes.



  1. I've always said I want an aquarium as a wall of my shower. Wouldn't that be so b*****n'? (See, I'm watching my mouth around Jethro too.)
    But I also wonder if I would be creeped out by Dori and Marlin and Mr. Ray watching me while I lathered up my nudey self. Only time will tell.

  2. Oh Jaz, you are so funny, I miss you.
    As for the aquarium, that looks SO damn fun.

  3. Jaz, this gave me a good laugh. Didn't just about everyone want to be a marine biologist back then?

  4. I think you meant "sea anemone". But who am I to question the resident would-have-been marine biologist.

  5. 'males having the babies'. Wow, can you imagine if people were like this too? You will not be getting any help from me in the cleaner language department. I quite enjoy my cowboy cussin'. A carefully placed cowboy cuss-word can really ad the 'one-two punch' to an already funny statement.